Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Focus

Man, I absolutely CANNOT focus at work today... at all. Must be my new addiction. I need Fallout 3 rehab. Bethseda is taking up way too many hours of my life that I should be spending doing productive activities like... playing other video games.

It might be time for some sort of change. I can't focus at work. I feel stifled, smothered, as if life is choking... well, the life out of me. My creativity and overactive imagination can't wrap itself around contact notes and monthly reports and treatment plans and medication and therapy issues and transport schedules. I don't really want to do anything at all anymore. Sitting at home is my favorite pasttime.

Part of it is due to my area in life. Not in a singles group, not quite in a newly married group, changing up some of my friendships. Though there are still people that mean a lot to me, I feel forced to limit my time with them. Perhaps it's a part of me "growing up" in a sense while this other part of me is fighting it all the way. That sounds much more complicated than what is actually happening, haha... It would definitely be nice to find a niche that I fit but as of right now, that's not occuring. I'm not aggresively looking for one because I'm not quite sure it actually exists.

Life is pretty good. I new career choice would be fantastic. Working with kids is great but that amounts to such a small percentage of what I actually do. Everything else about the job is just... draining. But I won't leave this job unless some incredible offer comes along and I have yet to encounter an incredible offer in my short 30 years.

Kelly visited last week and met the parents and we just hung out and had a great time. I really wished I lived closer though so that I could build relationships with the 3 kids. But I'm sure that will be at a later date. I'm going to drive there again at the beginning of September when I hit my 2 year mark and get all my new PTO days.

I've also given some serious thought to this relationship. If, for some reason, it ends then I'm probably going to opt for some extended hiatus. I'm not planning on it ending but I've been there before. Things are actually going great and eharmony works. Maybe I'll be doing a commercial someday. As of right now, I need to update the resume and start looking for work in NH. Not really in a rush though since I want to make sure we put some more time into getting to know each other and developing an awesome relationship. Man, time flies though. We met at the end of April and it's almost September already. I feel like I just turned 30 and I'll be 31 in no time.

Live Free or Die...