Life's a Drag

No, I'm not bringing back my lame comic. Sorry.

Life has been ubermundane and boring. Work, video games, work, Lifeline, work, D&D, work, video games, work, video games, video games, work other job, sometimes church, video games, work other job. So I do basically the same thing every week. This Saturday I actually had a wedding to go to and I was the odd man out. Kate and Charlie, Erinn and Adam, Dave and Sarah, and then me. I could have had a date but who really wants a fake date. If I'm single, I'm gonna be single. And I wore jeans to the wedding. Yes, I'm that lazy. You have to pay me to dress up on a Saturday.

Every week, I get more sick of everything. Not in a twisted, psychotic sense, of course, but just in a sense that it's all the same and we are striving after nothing. It's not a wonderful life. It's really boring and full of trials and struggles. I honestly believe that if we did not escape, we would not be able to handle it. At least, that's the way it is for me.

And I've realized that after all that has happened, though for the best, I now carry the burden of not being able to trust people. Mostly females but I've noticed myself drawing away from others in general, regardless of sex. I have friends online that I game with but those are not what I would consider deep, lasting friendships. I have zero motivation to solidify and build on relationships. All that means is that you open the door wider for them to hurt you.

The future is not bright. It is meaningless.

Apart from God, there is no point in living.

I'm a huge idiot for expecting something more. For hoping the pattern would change. For desiring more. For wishing for change. For actually believing I could be different. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I can only change so much. I should just settle for letting this husk fade away until it's time to move on.

One last try...