Deep Forest

RULES:Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, or whatever on Shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds! Put any comments in brackets after the song name. Repost this as a note and be sure to tag me so I can read your results too!

(I put my 5 star songs on shuffle soooo...)

1.If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
"Sex and Candy" -Marcy Playground

2. What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Another Boredom Movement" - Project 86

3. How do you feel today?
"Ninja Sphere" -Sphere of Hip Hop

4. What is your life's purpose?
"Xerces" - Deftones (haha)

5. What is your motto?
"Monkey" - Bush

6. What do your friends think of you?
"Fade Away" - 12 Stones (makes sense)

7. What do you think of your parents?
"Blackbird" - Gregorian Chants (whose music is this... not mine)

8. What do you think about very often?
"Revive Me" - Jeremy Camp (yeah, very true)

9. What is 2 + 2?
"Hanukkah Song" - Adam Sandler

10. What do you think of your best friend?
"China Roses" - Enya (how did this get on my IPod???)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
"Pin-Up" - Evans Blue (HAHA!... what???)

12. What is your life story?
"Miles Apart" - Yellowcard

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light" - Brand New

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Nothing Else Matters (live)" - Staind (lol)

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
"The Kids Aren't Alright" - The Offspring

16. What will they play at your funeral?
"Mascara" - Deftones

17. What is your hobby/interest?
"Pieces" - Hoobastank

18. What is your biggest fear?
"Faithless" - Injected (weird)

19. What is your biggest secret?
"Rock and Roll Girl" - MxPx

20. What do you think of your friends?
"Steam Will Rise" - Silverchair

21. How do other people see your life going?
"Everything Zen" - Bush (HAHA!!!!)

22. What will you post this as?
"Deep Forest" - Enya (how does this get on my IPod!? Honestly...)

The Pain of Addiction

I have been very tempted to buy Wrath of the Lich King and reopen my World of Warcraft account... but I'm resisting. It's hard. I've done my stints in rehab and I thought I had conquered this... but the desire to play that video game is too strong. It's hard to resist... I've bought several games recently (Fable 2, Far Cry 2 - biggest disappointment of the year, and Call of Duty: World at War) so I shouldn't buy another one. I am still impatiently waiting for Starcraft 2, F.E.A.R. 2 - Project Origin, and Diablo 3. Not to mention that I still get endless hours of fun from Battlefield 2 and Titan's Quest. I just don't want to spend so much time on one game and if WoW didn't eat up so much time to level and get semi-decent gear, I'd go get it. But I really need to devote more time to other things, like friends and writing. I CANNOT wait for Diablo 3. That game will just be incredible.

Anyways... on a semi-humorous note, there are actual studies out there on video game addiction and what not. I really just had nothing else to blog about and I'm suffering from some serious procrastination at work... cuz I have a LOT of reports to write but it's Friday. Who wants to write reports on a Friday? Or Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday either...

Quantum of Solace comes out today and I think I'm going to go see it with one of my kids. He just turned 16 so I told him I would take him to a movie for his birthday. The name's Bond. James Bond. I named the dog Indiana!

Thoughts for Today

Isn't it convenient that gas prices have dropped now, at this particular time... I saw it for $1.95 in Rensselaer today. And Bush is suddenly leaving office in a couple of weeks. I'm not a conspiracy therorist buuuuut... come on! I don't care how bad the economy is getting, demand for oil is still extremely high. I still see the same cars in the parking lot every day. But the news is saying how prices have dropped due to fears of low demand and a bunch of crap like that. Whatever...


I believe that the U.S. needs to start worrying more about itself. We have plenty of problems, crime, violence, bad education, etc., etc. Let all the muslims blow themselves up in Iraq and maybe use those soldiers to help police our streets. Maybe cut some military spending and use that money to give teachers across the country some raises, some higher pay. Spread it out to social workers and adoption subsidies. I'm all for the U.S. helping out where we can but we need to take care of our own before we start worrying about other countries, especially countries full of religious zealots intent on blowing themselves in a busy marketplace full of innocent woman and children. It's been done so many times before, it doesn't even make a statement anymore. I say give up your backwards, idiotic beliefs. Sorry, I can't "tolerate" and "accept" a false religion based on suicide bombings and not allowing women to even show the skin on their hands.

Did you know that Muhammed wrote the first part of the Quran, full of love and peace, and presented it to religious leaders in his day because he wanted his religion to be accepted. They show him down so he went back and wrote the second part, full of violence and killing infidels, and then jumbled them together to form what is now the Quran. Muhammed was nothing but a reject who wanted revenge on the "cool" people who wouldn't acknowledge his made up religion.

My point being? Forget these religious nutjobs. Seriously, let them all blow themselves up. Once they are all dead, we can have some peace in the middle east. And we can make Iraq are 51st state and then not worry so much about oil either. Or we could fast track and just drop some nukes over there and do the job for them. Why are we wasting our time and money and manpower on a culture so intent on destroying itself? It makes me sick when each day you read about some 14 year old getting shot in a drive-by in Chicago while thousands of soldiers are policing some other country's streets. It makes me sick when we spend trillions on military spending and I know what teachers and social workers make for a living, if you can call it a living. It makes me sick when a large corporation can start whining and throwing a tantrum and the government considers handing them some money but I have to pay my credit card debt off by myself (which I did by working 2 jobs some 50 to 60+ hrs per week).

And we actually had some retard of a politician running for governor who would have outlawed ALL restraints in Indiana for residential care? I guess she has never had a ten year old try to burn her house down, a 12 year old punch her in the face, or a 17 year old boy come at her with a knife... Thank God she didn't win... but we still have Mitch. So, this all brings me back to my point... some people just need to be shot in the head so we can "filter" the gene pool a little bit.

A Case of the Mondays

I hate Mondays... I wish I could work with kids without the reports, drama, contact notes, drama, retarded county workers, drama, abusive birth parents, drama, clinical supervision, drama, and all the drama... Seriously, I think we have more issues with foster parents than we do with the kids. At least, the ones on my caseload.

Maybe I'll just start a Daddy Day Care, haha... if I could work with kids without all the drama, it would be fantastic...

With Great Power...

It's really hard accepting responsibility for my own life, for the direction it took, for the way things have gone. I'm starting to believe that we have more control over our lives than we think we do. Now, I'm not wrestling with the idea of taking control away from God but when I look back on my life, I can easily see where different choices or different circumstances could have led to different future events. Sometimes we use the excuse of God being in charge as a cop-out or as an excuse to be mad at someone.

I've always measured success by money and what you have. I picked a worthless degree and worked a bunch of high school level jobs, changing jobs frequently, which led me to where I am today. Renting, barely able to pay on my school loans, driving a cheap car (that my dad had to sign for... nothing says success like relying on your parents to get you a loan when you're 28). My idea of dropping some big bucks is buying a new video game. So was it really my own choices in work experience and education that led me here? I'm I "unlucky"? Or just have that personality that doesn't put up with all the crap bosses throw at you... probably a little of each. I have enough money for now, I don't really desire lots of "earthly" possessions, but I can't stay here forever. What if I have a family someday?

Which brings me to my next point... apparently, I'm undateable. Unless the most optimistic, calm, understanding, magical woman in the world comes along, you will find me sitting in front of my PC playing video games for many years to come. All the girls I've had serious relationships with are married, minus the most recent. And several guys I've known with the most obnoxious, independent, commitment-phobic personalities are married or engaged. I've come to the conclusion that my personality really sucks! Seriously... I'm just a real jerk! I guess I'm mean, cruel, heartless, vicious... I can see the looks in people eyes, I can read the thoughts and intentions behind the smiles. It hurts but it's true. I still can't quite figure out what about my personality, what exact flaws, differ me from other people. Every single fear that I've had, when it comes to relationships, has happened. Even my brother got married, haha. Now, I know it's not a race but seriously. I've had plenty of chances, dated some awesome girls, and I've screwed up every single one. I can't blame God for anything. It's my choices and the way I am that put me here. I'm going to give it a couple more years and then I'm going to try and adopt (hopefully, the IN subsidy laws have changed by then, haha). Well, I guess I make a horrible boyfriend so I'll suck in the husband department but I KNOW I'll make an awesome dad. I doubt it'll work but I can try and adopt. I love kids anyways. I'll take a son or daughter without the wife part, haha.

Why do I focus on this so much? I guess it's the area that is lacking in my life. I'm in okay health, my job is okay, my life is okay... I'm just not having the greatest day. Maybe I shouldn't blog on days like today, lol. Maybe my goals and dreams just suck too... I'm willing to accept God's plan but at 30, I still have no idea what that is. It's not to work a great job with great money, it's not to get married, sooooo... I've never had a desire to do missions work, I don't really have a desire to go somewhere else (though San Diego is nice), and even then, I wouldn't be able to find a job somewhere else... I feel like an island, lots of friends but none really close. I'm going to wake up one day and my life will have passed me by.

But in the end, all I can do is work on myself. Every week is the same routine. I need to just throw my goals and dreams to the wind and not even plan for next week. None of my goals have ever come to pass anyways... I honestly think the idea of setting goals is completely pointless, especially if God has other plans...

Oh, and what the HECK is with gaining weight while I'm working out. Now, I don't have the healthiest diet but I've been slowly putting more fruit and vegetables into it, eating less, and I'm freaking gaining weight... fantastic... I'm almost to the point where I've built up enough willpower to just not eat... if that's what it takes...

I am mired down in TPS reports and I need a break. After Bible Study on Tuesday nights and D&D on Wednesday nights, I can go home and play some video games. I start to show some serious signs of withdrawal. I get the shakes and muscles start twitching, especially the ones around my eyes. I sweat a lot and eventually get naseuated. Other symptons include drooling, diahrea, seizures, heart failure, brain tumors, and death. Plus, some of the best times in my week include us =TPE= members destroying some clan on their server only to piss them off so they find some really, really lame reason to kick and/or ban us. I got threatened on Monday. I kept saying these clan guys were 5 years old because the one was in my squad and he honestly sounded like he was five. His voice was all high-pitched and whatever. He had obviously not hit puberty yet. So these guy gets in my squad and in these deep voice as if he was forcing it and attempting to sound old and tough and cool asks me if he sounds 5 and then says he can probably beat me up. The sad part is is that we, being =TPE=, rarely, if ever, start it. It's always these little middle schoolers getting owned. That's what happens when you give a 10 year old control of a server. They can't handle that responsibility.

In other news, I learned how to edit some of these html so I can strikethrough. I couldn't figure it out so I just changed the strong (the word for bold) word to strike. Lucky guess, huh. Sorry, Kiwi, but I stole that from your blog. :S

I'm still doing good with the whole exercise thing. Unfortunately, it feels as if the universe is working against me. First of all, I go early in the morning, around 6ish, before work. There is nothing but old, dying people who are there. 75 year old women who thinking walking at .33 miles per hour is going to keep them alive longer or 98 year old men who thinking curling 2 lbs will make them buff and able to attract 21 year old women. There is no hot ladies scenery at all, if you know what I mean. But I guess it means that I'm going for the right, healthy reasons, haha. And this week, I've had no energy and I think it was the time change! My sleep schedule is about as delicate as fine china. And the time change was the bull let loose, I guess. Anyways, it's been a rough week. Not to mention that I never get enough sleep since my body likes to wake up long before my alarm goes off for no apparent reason other than my internal clock is off by about an hour.

At the KV Health Center, there is a sign-up sheet which some woman so rudely nicely pointed out one morning while I was exercising. The thing was she walked into the room and walked out and then came back in to tell me. I think she forgot herself but anyways... I had forgotten about the sign-up sheet and never signed up for the machine. She looked in pretty good shape and I wanted to drag her over to the mirror and point out how much more I needed to be on that machine than her. Instead, I got off and left. I have only seen her once when I went on a Friday at 2 when I got off early. She saw me and hurriedly dropped her use of a machine and ran to the front to sign-up. She had forgotten, lol!

And last but not least, my boxers and briefs suddenly think they are g-strings when I exercise. Nothing says classy like trying to dig you boxers out of your sweaty butt-crack while still traveling at 6 miles an hour on the elliptical. If I think positively, it just means I'm grateful there's no young, hot women giving me nasty looks. Not to mention that by the time I'm done, I am drenched in seat and smell slightly worse than a landfill. Ok, back to checking facebook work.

Another Day...

So, Obama wins... I'm actually kind of glad to see an African-American president but unfortunately it has to be someone with stupid ideas... who is barely old enough to be my father and probably does not have enough experience to run this country... but anyways... I didn't vote so I'm not really complaining... I just hate being limited to two not-so-great choices... unless you can really count an Independent as a 3rd viable choice...

I joined eharmony... mostly because my buddy Matt continued to bug me about getting online and I'm sort of doing it to debunk him. It's worth the money to me and it's not like I have anything to lose anyways. I went out to lunch with Kate yesterday and after our amusing discussion about the girls in the area and her only appealing idea being a girl in a complicated situation and whose best friend I thought I was going to marry (thus, completely ruling her out due to moral and ethical reasons... come on, I'm not a complete jerk...), I realized that around here, there isn't much going on. Seriously... NW IN sucks. Anyways... the internet thing didn't work out before and I'm pretty sure it won't now but... whatever. Matt insists he knows people who've gotten married off of there or something. I'm sort of a skeptic of it all. And I'll probably just end up proving him wrong.

I think I might start going to another local, singles, Bible study group in the area... Lifeline is not the same without Tim and Andrea and the boys. My group is nice but one of my pet peeves is someone talking down to me or talking about how they've experienced so much more of life than myself. I mean, come on! I'm 30 and not retarded. There've been hard times and there will be hard times. I understand getting married and being a parent changes things but just because someone is single doesn't mean they can't understand something. Those aren't all my issues with them but when someone talks to you as if they've seen so much more of life, I don't care if they are 90, it gets on my nerves. "You'll understand that when you get married." or "You'll get it when you have kids." Hmmm... so Jesus never understood that? Cuz the last time I checked, he didn't marry and have kids (forget the lame DeVinci Code)... People seem to completely devalue the ability of one's imagination, intelligence, and empathy as if the idea that someone can put themselves in the shoes of someone else is completely irrational.