Consuming Fire

I hung out with my roomate on Saturday night and checked out a new church in Crown Point. I think I had been to the church before with a play but it was awhile back. Anyways, so then we hang out with this other guy we know afterwards. This guy is totally and completely consumed with his desire for a relationship. He is trying to fill the hole in himself with girls and not God. He is... disturbing in his desire. I jokingly told my roomate after we left that we need to find me a wife so I turn into him.

But on a serious note, it made me examine myself and where I stood because I definitely do not want to become what he has. I've basically realized that most everything in my life is pretty good, which leads me to focus on the part that is missing. I know I'm not meant to be single because that life is not for me. That's just something that I know and if I'm wrong, well, God will bring me the desire to enjoy that life. I'm not worried about it anyways. Also, for starts, I can carry on a conversation with anybody about something other than females while this guy cannot. He literally cannot have a conversation that isn't in someway about women.

And it bothers me more that I don't know when, rather that it's not happening now. Because I LOVE having time to myself, I LOVE using my money in the way that I want, and I LOVE not fighting with people. There are many aspects of life that I enjoy alone and for the most part, I enjoy being single. But I'm not single and 21 anymore with my whole life ahead of me. I'm still young but 30 is farther along than 21...

In the end, I realized I'm much better of than I thought I was and my focus is not all twisted. My health is good, my job is ok for now, I have a roof over my head and food on the tables and DVDs to watch and video games to play and books to read... There isn't very much at all about my life that I would change, other than an awesome girl to kill time with and a warm body to snuggle up beside and watch a movie. That's why it's a focus but it's not my driving force. God is my driving force and if it's not the time, that's fine by me. I'll continue to enjoy the time to myself.