Fo Sho

I haven't quite yet decided if the highlight of my week being a video game release should be depressing or fullfilling. Like maybe I should be doing more with my life. Not quite sure if a life spent this way is a fun life or a depressing one. Or maybe I just finally found something I'm good at. I'm probably just too focused on my life since 30 is 4 weeks from today. I think I've put more mental energy into thinking positively this summer and fall than I have the rest of my life.

But, hey, what do I know? My plans and desire and goals are all really unimportant. I think that's why I never plan anything anymore, haha. Ask me what I'm doing next week, I have no idea. I plan my month for work and even that is more spur of the moment than anything else. I used to ages and years that I wanted to accomplish things. But my plans don't work out so I figured I'm along for the ride. Not in a defeatist way but... I'm not wasting energy on desiring something that won't happen. If God wants it to happen, it'll happen and in his time. Most of my life is spent apart from reality anyways. That's what a great imagination is for! :D

I don't think my need for escape is because life sucks but more because life is so boring. I really need to read Wild at Heart again but there is a whole section on how men want all these things, like a battle to fight and blah blah blah. That's where the video games and movies come in. In real life, I'm Joe Nobody from NW IN with a couple friends and some family members who know who I am. Outside of my tiny circle, nobody knows me. Some could argue that I work an important job, I guess. But the truth is, if I died tomorrow, I would quickly fade into nothing but memory in a couple people's minds. I would not go down in history for anything. I've watched numerous people try to overcompensate for this fact by filling their lives with falsely-placed pride and maniacal, permanent egotrips of delusion. Just watch a toothless resident of a trailer park talk as if they are an esteemed political expert or watch a local framer talk as if he should be coaching an NFL team.

I have absolutely no point to this blog other than I wanted to take a break from writing a ton of endless reports at work. Just killing time until I can go home and become someone important, like the survivor of a zombie apocolypse or a powerful, Greek warrior with enough strength to take on Titans or a soldier in WWII fighting to save the world from Nazis... who wants to sit at a desk and write reports when you could be off saving the world?

It's not that I'm not content. My life really wouldn't cut it unless I was a superhero or something. My imagination is just that way. I'll probably always have that in me. It's not discontent but flights of the imagination. That's what I enjoy, I guess. Some people enjoy enjoy soccer or horses or nutrition or football. I enjoy my imagination. There are no boundaries, no rules, no cubicles, no computer screens. I heard once that God is just another character to a writer. Maybe it's just a simple desire for adventure. Remember Luke Skywalker's desire to get off Tattooine, that sense of adventure, to go off and save the princess and destroy the evil empire. Only, in reality there are no princesses or evil empires or death stars or lightsabers. I guess I'm just a big kid at heart... and always will be. :D