Jim Gaffigan

The Fake Smile and Wave

So, I was driving to my parents yesterday for Thanksgiving. I'm doing a good 65 in a 55. This mini van comes up behind me and starts tailgating me, not just close, but super close, like a couple feet away. Being the "nice" person that I am, I had to resist a urge to slam the brakes really hard. We go through the "metropolis" of Malden. A whole, what, 12 buildings? The speed limit drops down to 35 so I slow way down. Speed limit picks up but I only go up to about 60. And by the time we came to county line road by the expo center, I was down to 45. She passed me by the stoplight as I turned left towards Wal-mart, a glare covering her shaking head. I perked my neck up, smiled really big, and did the silliest wave I could think of. Of course, she sped up only to be kept driving slow by the long line of cars that had been in front of me. I got a kick out, I was cracking up for so long. If people check the driver's manual, it states that the appropriate action when someone is tailgating you is to... that's correct, slow down.

Oh, and the other day I almost sideswiped a car that wouldn't yield. It's really amazing how many selfish, me-first people are out there.

Just smile and wave...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Good food! WOO HOO!

Drained

I think my job is affecting my life much more than I thought. I have 2 days off after today, then I work Friday, then 2 more days off. Oh, and I had a 1/2 day yesterday! And I'm in the best mood today. Better than I've been in awhile.

And I feel like crap. My immune system has taken a dive. Between stress and lack of sleep and my stomach... I might need some shots in my butt again... I forget what they're called. Gamma gobulin shots or something, haha.

Anyways... I feel like poop but I'm in a great mood!

Red Sky

Be Quiet and Drive

3rd Attempt

I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today... I forgot my head phones since I had to drive the work van home so I had no IPod while I exercised this morning. And I discovered that I'm at 208 now instead of the 204.5 that I was when I started working out couple months back...

I'm too hard on myself and my faults and I look at how far I have to go instead of how far I've come. I always want so much more but never obtain it. I'm always wrong.

I still ache to know what's around the corner. The fear of being myself will leave me alone in the end... maybe it already has. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be the gap between 10 and 28 that carried me away from God.

Romans 6:21
Phillipians 3:7-8
Proverbs 15:1

Gas Prices

I heard the other day on the radio that gas prices had not been this low since March of 2005. That was roughly 2 months after Dubya started his 2nd term. And now, barely 2 months before he exits office as our President, the gas prices plummet again. I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist but it does seem rather convenient. Maybe he had to "behave" for his first term but once he entered the 2nd term, he could do whatever he wanted, like hook his oil tycoon buddies up with some hefty profits...

Anyways, could be some fancy coincidence but... you never know. I'm just thankful I'm now paying $20 instead of $50 to fill my tank up.

40mpg for the win!

Fo Sho

I haven't quite yet decided if the highlight of my week being a video game release should be depressing or fullfilling. Like maybe I should be doing more with my life. Not quite sure if a life spent this way is a fun life or a depressing one. Or maybe I just finally found something I'm good at. I'm probably just too focused on my life since 30 is 4 weeks from today. I think I've put more mental energy into thinking positively this summer and fall than I have the rest of my life.

But, hey, what do I know? My plans and desire and goals are all really unimportant. I think that's why I never plan anything anymore, haha. Ask me what I'm doing next week, I have no idea. I plan my month for work and even that is more spur of the moment than anything else. I used to ages and years that I wanted to accomplish things. But my plans don't work out so I figured I'm along for the ride. Not in a defeatist way but... I'm not wasting energy on desiring something that won't happen. If God wants it to happen, it'll happen and in his time. Most of my life is spent apart from reality anyways. That's what a great imagination is for! :D

I don't think my need for escape is because life sucks but more because life is so boring. I really need to read Wild at Heart again but there is a whole section on how men want all these things, like a battle to fight and blah blah blah. That's where the video games and movies come in. In real life, I'm Joe Nobody from NW IN with a couple friends and some family members who know who I am. Outside of my tiny circle, nobody knows me. Some could argue that I work an important job, I guess. But the truth is, if I died tomorrow, I would quickly fade into nothing but memory in a couple people's minds. I would not go down in history for anything. I've watched numerous people try to overcompensate for this fact by filling their lives with falsely-placed pride and maniacal, permanent egotrips of delusion. Just watch a toothless resident of a trailer park talk as if they are an esteemed political expert or watch a local framer talk as if he should be coaching an NFL team.

I have absolutely no point to this blog other than I wanted to take a break from writing a ton of endless reports at work. Just killing time until I can go home and become someone important, like the survivor of a zombie apocolypse or a powerful, Greek warrior with enough strength to take on Titans or a soldier in WWII fighting to save the world from Nazis... who wants to sit at a desk and write reports when you could be off saving the world?

It's not that I'm not content. My life really wouldn't cut it unless I was a superhero or something. My imagination is just that way. I'll probably always have that in me. It's not discontent but flights of the imagination. That's what I enjoy, I guess. Some people enjoy enjoy soccer or horses or nutrition or football. I enjoy my imagination. There are no boundaries, no rules, no cubicles, no computer screens. I heard once that God is just another character to a writer. Maybe it's just a simple desire for adventure. Remember Luke Skywalker's desire to get off Tattooine, that sense of adventure, to go off and save the princess and destroy the evil empire. Only, in reality there are no princesses or evil empires or death stars or lightsabers. I guess I'm just a big kid at heart... and always will be. :D

Consuming Fire

I hung out with my roomate on Saturday night and checked out a new church in Crown Point. I think I had been to the church before with a play but it was awhile back. Anyways, so then we hang out with this other guy we know afterwards. This guy is totally and completely consumed with his desire for a relationship. He is trying to fill the hole in himself with girls and not God. He is... disturbing in his desire. I jokingly told my roomate after we left that we need to find me a wife so I turn into him.

But on a serious note, it made me examine myself and where I stood because I definitely do not want to become what he has. I've basically realized that most everything in my life is pretty good, which leads me to focus on the part that is missing. I know I'm not meant to be single because that life is not for me. That's just something that I know and if I'm wrong, well, God will bring me the desire to enjoy that life. I'm not worried about it anyways. Also, for starts, I can carry on a conversation with anybody about something other than females while this guy cannot. He literally cannot have a conversation that isn't in someway about women.

And it bothers me more that I don't know when, rather that it's not happening now. Because I LOVE having time to myself, I LOVE using my money in the way that I want, and I LOVE not fighting with people. There are many aspects of life that I enjoy alone and for the most part, I enjoy being single. But I'm not single and 21 anymore with my whole life ahead of me. I'm still young but 30 is farther along than 21...

In the end, I realized I'm much better of than I thought I was and my focus is not all twisted. My health is good, my job is ok for now, I have a roof over my head and food on the tables and DVDs to watch and video games to play and books to read... There isn't very much at all about my life that I would change, other than an awesome girl to kill time with and a warm body to snuggle up beside and watch a movie. That's why it's a focus but it's not my driving force. God is my driving force and if it's not the time, that's fine by me. I'll continue to enjoy the time to myself.

Deep Forest

RULES:Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, or whatever on Shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds! Put any comments in brackets after the song name. Repost this as a note and be sure to tag me so I can read your results too!

(I put my 5 star songs on shuffle soooo...)

1.If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
"Sex and Candy" -Marcy Playground

2. What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Another Boredom Movement" - Project 86

3. How do you feel today?
"Ninja Sphere" -Sphere of Hip Hop

4. What is your life's purpose?
"Xerces" - Deftones (haha)

5. What is your motto?
"Monkey" - Bush

6. What do your friends think of you?
"Fade Away" - 12 Stones (makes sense)

7. What do you think of your parents?
"Blackbird" - Gregorian Chants (whose music is this... not mine)

8. What do you think about very often?
"Revive Me" - Jeremy Camp (yeah, very true)

9. What is 2 + 2?
"Hanukkah Song" - Adam Sandler

10. What do you think of your best friend?
"China Roses" - Enya (how did this get on my IPod???)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
"Pin-Up" - Evans Blue (HAHA!... what???)

12. What is your life story?
"Miles Apart" - Yellowcard

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light" - Brand New

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Nothing Else Matters (live)" - Staind (lol)

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
"The Kids Aren't Alright" - The Offspring

16. What will they play at your funeral?
"Mascara" - Deftones

17. What is your hobby/interest?
"Pieces" - Hoobastank

18. What is your biggest fear?
"Faithless" - Injected (weird)

19. What is your biggest secret?
"Rock and Roll Girl" - MxPx

20. What do you think of your friends?
"Steam Will Rise" - Silverchair

21. How do other people see your life going?
"Everything Zen" - Bush (HAHA!!!!)

22. What will you post this as?
"Deep Forest" - Enya (how does this get on my IPod!? Honestly...)

The Pain of Addiction

I have been very tempted to buy Wrath of the Lich King and reopen my World of Warcraft account... but I'm resisting. It's hard. I've done my stints in rehab and I thought I had conquered this... but the desire to play that video game is too strong. It's hard to resist... I've bought several games recently (Fable 2, Far Cry 2 - biggest disappointment of the year, and Call of Duty: World at War) so I shouldn't buy another one. I am still impatiently waiting for Starcraft 2, F.E.A.R. 2 - Project Origin, and Diablo 3. Not to mention that I still get endless hours of fun from Battlefield 2 and Titan's Quest. I just don't want to spend so much time on one game and if WoW didn't eat up so much time to level and get semi-decent gear, I'd go get it. But I really need to devote more time to other things, like friends and writing. I CANNOT wait for Diablo 3. That game will just be incredible.

Anyways... on a semi-humorous note, there are actual studies out there on video game addiction and what not. I really just had nothing else to blog about and I'm suffering from some serious procrastination at work... cuz I have a LOT of reports to write but it's Friday. Who wants to write reports on a Friday? Or Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday either...

Quantum of Solace comes out today and I think I'm going to go see it with one of my kids. He just turned 16 so I told him I would take him to a movie for his birthday. The name's Bond. James Bond. I named the dog Indiana!

Thoughts for Today

Isn't it convenient that gas prices have dropped now, at this particular time... I saw it for $1.95 in Rensselaer today. And Bush is suddenly leaving office in a couple of weeks. I'm not a conspiracy therorist buuuuut... come on! I don't care how bad the economy is getting, demand for oil is still extremely high. I still see the same cars in the parking lot every day. But the news is saying how prices have dropped due to fears of low demand and a bunch of crap like that. Whatever...


I believe that the U.S. needs to start worrying more about itself. We have plenty of problems, crime, violence, bad education, etc., etc. Let all the muslims blow themselves up in Iraq and maybe use those soldiers to help police our streets. Maybe cut some military spending and use that money to give teachers across the country some raises, some higher pay. Spread it out to social workers and adoption subsidies. I'm all for the U.S. helping out where we can but we need to take care of our own before we start worrying about other countries, especially countries full of religious zealots intent on blowing themselves in a busy marketplace full of innocent woman and children. It's been done so many times before, it doesn't even make a statement anymore. I say give up your backwards, idiotic beliefs. Sorry, I can't "tolerate" and "accept" a false religion based on suicide bombings and not allowing women to even show the skin on their hands.

Did you know that Muhammed wrote the first part of the Quran, full of love and peace, and presented it to religious leaders in his day because he wanted his religion to be accepted. They show him down so he went back and wrote the second part, full of violence and killing infidels, and then jumbled them together to form what is now the Quran. Muhammed was nothing but a reject who wanted revenge on the "cool" people who wouldn't acknowledge his made up religion.

My point being? Forget these religious nutjobs. Seriously, let them all blow themselves up. Once they are all dead, we can have some peace in the middle east. And we can make Iraq are 51st state and then not worry so much about oil either. Or we could fast track and just drop some nukes over there and do the job for them. Why are we wasting our time and money and manpower on a culture so intent on destroying itself? It makes me sick when each day you read about some 14 year old getting shot in a drive-by in Chicago while thousands of soldiers are policing some other country's streets. It makes me sick when we spend trillions on military spending and I know what teachers and social workers make for a living, if you can call it a living. It makes me sick when a large corporation can start whining and throwing a tantrum and the government considers handing them some money but I have to pay my credit card debt off by myself (which I did by working 2 jobs some 50 to 60+ hrs per week).

And we actually had some retard of a politician running for governor who would have outlawed ALL restraints in Indiana for residential care? I guess she has never had a ten year old try to burn her house down, a 12 year old punch her in the face, or a 17 year old boy come at her with a knife... Thank God she didn't win... but we still have Mitch. So, this all brings me back to my point... some people just need to be shot in the head so we can "filter" the gene pool a little bit.

A Case of the Mondays

I hate Mondays... I wish I could work with kids without the reports, drama, contact notes, drama, retarded county workers, drama, abusive birth parents, drama, clinical supervision, drama, and all the drama... Seriously, I think we have more issues with foster parents than we do with the kids. At least, the ones on my caseload.

Maybe I'll just start a Daddy Day Care, haha... if I could work with kids without all the drama, it would be fantastic...

With Great Power...

It's really hard accepting responsibility for my own life, for the direction it took, for the way things have gone. I'm starting to believe that we have more control over our lives than we think we do. Now, I'm not wrestling with the idea of taking control away from God but when I look back on my life, I can easily see where different choices or different circumstances could have led to different future events. Sometimes we use the excuse of God being in charge as a cop-out or as an excuse to be mad at someone.

I've always measured success by money and what you have. I picked a worthless degree and worked a bunch of high school level jobs, changing jobs frequently, which led me to where I am today. Renting, barely able to pay on my school loans, driving a cheap car (that my dad had to sign for... nothing says success like relying on your parents to get you a loan when you're 28). My idea of dropping some big bucks is buying a new video game. So was it really my own choices in work experience and education that led me here? I'm I "unlucky"? Or just have that personality that doesn't put up with all the crap bosses throw at you... probably a little of each. I have enough money for now, I don't really desire lots of "earthly" possessions, but I can't stay here forever. What if I have a family someday?

Which brings me to my next point... apparently, I'm undateable. Unless the most optimistic, calm, understanding, magical woman in the world comes along, you will find me sitting in front of my PC playing video games for many years to come. All the girls I've had serious relationships with are married, minus the most recent. And several guys I've known with the most obnoxious, independent, commitment-phobic personalities are married or engaged. I've come to the conclusion that my personality really sucks! Seriously... I'm just a real jerk! I guess I'm mean, cruel, heartless, vicious... I can see the looks in people eyes, I can read the thoughts and intentions behind the smiles. It hurts but it's true. I still can't quite figure out what about my personality, what exact flaws, differ me from other people. Every single fear that I've had, when it comes to relationships, has happened. Even my brother got married, haha. Now, I know it's not a race but seriously. I've had plenty of chances, dated some awesome girls, and I've screwed up every single one. I can't blame God for anything. It's my choices and the way I am that put me here. I'm going to give it a couple more years and then I'm going to try and adopt (hopefully, the IN subsidy laws have changed by then, haha). Well, I guess I make a horrible boyfriend so I'll suck in the husband department but I KNOW I'll make an awesome dad. I doubt it'll work but I can try and adopt. I love kids anyways. I'll take a son or daughter without the wife part, haha.

Why do I focus on this so much? I guess it's the area that is lacking in my life. I'm in okay health, my job is okay, my life is okay... I'm just not having the greatest day. Maybe I shouldn't blog on days like today, lol. Maybe my goals and dreams just suck too... I'm willing to accept God's plan but at 30, I still have no idea what that is. It's not to work a great job with great money, it's not to get married, sooooo... I've never had a desire to do missions work, I don't really have a desire to go somewhere else (though San Diego is nice), and even then, I wouldn't be able to find a job somewhere else... I feel like an island, lots of friends but none really close. I'm going to wake up one day and my life will have passed me by.

But in the end, all I can do is work on myself. Every week is the same routine. I need to just throw my goals and dreams to the wind and not even plan for next week. None of my goals have ever come to pass anyways... I honestly think the idea of setting goals is completely pointless, especially if God has other plans...

Oh, and what the HECK is with gaining weight while I'm working out. Now, I don't have the healthiest diet but I've been slowly putting more fruit and vegetables into it, eating less, and I'm freaking gaining weight... fantastic... I'm almost to the point where I've built up enough willpower to just not eat... if that's what it takes...

I am mired down in TPS reports and I need a break. After Bible Study on Tuesday nights and D&D on Wednesday nights, I can go home and play some video games. I start to show some serious signs of withdrawal. I get the shakes and muscles start twitching, especially the ones around my eyes. I sweat a lot and eventually get naseuated. Other symptons include drooling, diahrea, seizures, heart failure, brain tumors, and death. Plus, some of the best times in my week include us =TPE= members destroying some clan on their server only to piss them off so they find some really, really lame reason to kick and/or ban us. I got threatened on Monday. I kept saying these clan guys were 5 years old because the one was in my squad and he honestly sounded like he was five. His voice was all high-pitched and whatever. He had obviously not hit puberty yet. So these guy gets in my squad and in these deep voice as if he was forcing it and attempting to sound old and tough and cool asks me if he sounds 5 and then says he can probably beat me up. The sad part is is that we, being =TPE=, rarely, if ever, start it. It's always these little middle schoolers getting owned. That's what happens when you give a 10 year old control of a server. They can't handle that responsibility.

In other news, I learned how to edit some of these html so I can strikethrough. I couldn't figure it out so I just changed the strong (the word for bold) word to strike. Lucky guess, huh. Sorry, Kiwi, but I stole that from your blog. :S

I'm still doing good with the whole exercise thing. Unfortunately, it feels as if the universe is working against me. First of all, I go early in the morning, around 6ish, before work. There is nothing but old, dying people who are there. 75 year old women who thinking walking at .33 miles per hour is going to keep them alive longer or 98 year old men who thinking curling 2 lbs will make them buff and able to attract 21 year old women. There is no hot ladies scenery at all, if you know what I mean. But I guess it means that I'm going for the right, healthy reasons, haha. And this week, I've had no energy and I think it was the time change! My sleep schedule is about as delicate as fine china. And the time change was the bull let loose, I guess. Anyways, it's been a rough week. Not to mention that I never get enough sleep since my body likes to wake up long before my alarm goes off for no apparent reason other than my internal clock is off by about an hour.

At the KV Health Center, there is a sign-up sheet which some woman so rudely nicely pointed out one morning while I was exercising. The thing was she walked into the room and walked out and then came back in to tell me. I think she forgot herself but anyways... I had forgotten about the sign-up sheet and never signed up for the machine. She looked in pretty good shape and I wanted to drag her over to the mirror and point out how much more I needed to be on that machine than her. Instead, I got off and left. I have only seen her once when I went on a Friday at 2 when I got off early. She saw me and hurriedly dropped her use of a machine and ran to the front to sign-up. She had forgotten, lol!

And last but not least, my boxers and briefs suddenly think they are g-strings when I exercise. Nothing says classy like trying to dig you boxers out of your sweaty butt-crack while still traveling at 6 miles an hour on the elliptical. If I think positively, it just means I'm grateful there's no young, hot women giving me nasty looks. Not to mention that by the time I'm done, I am drenched in seat and smell slightly worse than a landfill. Ok, back to checking facebook work.

Another Day...

So, Obama wins... I'm actually kind of glad to see an African-American president but unfortunately it has to be someone with stupid ideas... who is barely old enough to be my father and probably does not have enough experience to run this country... but anyways... I didn't vote so I'm not really complaining... I just hate being limited to two not-so-great choices... unless you can really count an Independent as a 3rd viable choice...

I joined eharmony... mostly because my buddy Matt continued to bug me about getting online and I'm sort of doing it to debunk him. It's worth the money to me and it's not like I have anything to lose anyways. I went out to lunch with Kate yesterday and after our amusing discussion about the girls in the area and her only appealing idea being a girl in a complicated situation and whose best friend I thought I was going to marry (thus, completely ruling her out due to moral and ethical reasons... come on, I'm not a complete jerk...), I realized that around here, there isn't much going on. Seriously... NW IN sucks. Anyways... the internet thing didn't work out before and I'm pretty sure it won't now but... whatever. Matt insists he knows people who've gotten married off of there or something. I'm sort of a skeptic of it all. And I'll probably just end up proving him wrong.

I think I might start going to another local, singles, Bible study group in the area... Lifeline is not the same without Tim and Andrea and the boys. My group is nice but one of my pet peeves is someone talking down to me or talking about how they've experienced so much more of life than myself. I mean, come on! I'm 30 and not retarded. There've been hard times and there will be hard times. I understand getting married and being a parent changes things but just because someone is single doesn't mean they can't understand something. Those aren't all my issues with them but when someone talks to you as if they've seen so much more of life, I don't care if they are 90, it gets on my nerves. "You'll understand that when you get married." or "You'll get it when you have kids." Hmmm... so Jesus never understood that? Cuz the last time I checked, he didn't marry and have kids (forget the lame DeVinci Code)... People seem to completely devalue the ability of one's imagination, intelligence, and empathy as if the idea that someone can put themselves in the shoes of someone else is completely irrational.

BOO!

Ok, I devised this diabolical plan to wait for Kate in the office and scare her. I thought it through for quite some time and it all came together this morning. I came into work a couple minutes early, parked my car all the way around the block, went into work and locked the door behind me and kept the lights off. And I had my Jason mask with me...

...so Kate shows up and turns the light on in the main office and then goes into her office which is in the front. Well, I'm waiting in our boss's office in the back so I run out into her office and just yell really loud. She screams, a look of complete horror on her face, jumps back, and throws her hands up. She actually started to scar me cuz of the utter terror on her face.

Ahhh, it was classic. One of the best moments of the year. I almost got some keys thrown in my face. It was just... awesome. Love ya, Kate!

Happy Halloween

Yeah, someone cracked me and my roomate's front windshields for halloween. Filed a police report and I have to call insurance tomorrow. My deductable is only $100 but still...

I hope those wonderful people selfish little douchebag pricks get saved take a long walk off a short pier.