Ice + Tailgating

It really makes me wonder what enters people's minds when they combine two dangerous things. Let's take ice and tailgating. Ice can be very dangerous on its own. People slip and fall, cars slide everywhere, it just creates a hazardous environment.

Then you have tailgating. People love to do this all the time which blows my mind because the reaction time I have witnessed in most individuals does not warrant tailgating. Idiots assume that they will not have to brake for some reason.

Now, take these two and combine them and you have a recipe for disaster! I don't how many times vehicles rush up behind me and drive very close behind me... all while there is a nice sheet of ice on the road. NW Indiana has been getting some lovely ice storms where it rains and then freezes when it hits the ground. Either these people are complete idiots or they have never driven in winter conditions before.

The other day, this little white Focus was tailgating. If you have studied insurance policies at all, anytime you are rear-ended, it is always the person's fault who runs into the back of you. So I waited and braked hard since there were two vehicles in front of me and I just crack up while this Focus fishtails all over the road. He came within inches of hitting and I was kind of hoping he would. I'll take some damage to my vehicle to teach some ignorant moron a lesson.

Anyways, I still don't get it. I always get stuck behind people who go far below what they could be driving. You'll get the 80 year old lady who shouldn't be driving in the first place but for unknown reasons, the DMV is still letting her carry a license. The road will have two clear tire tracks, like it did last night, but these people will still drive 20 miles an hour. Last night, I was stuck behind about 20 to 30 cars all following this tiny little car, smaller than my civic, that was going about 20, maybe 25 at some points. And I was getting tailgated the whole time. The person behind even weaved out in the middle of the road, looking as if he was going to pass. Good luck trying to pass 30 cars in between spurts of traffic, while there is snow, slush, and occasional patches of ice all over the road. I mean, we could have been going faster, maybe 35 to 40 safely with proper distance between vehicles but... I guess if the road conditions don't allow for the safe passing of other vehicles, it's probably not a good idea to drive just a couple feet behind their bumper.

Cuz people like me like to brake hard... on purpose... ;)

The Big 3

When I graduated from college, I didn't have the best luck finding a job. I was unemployed for several months after getting fired and I used credit cards to pay for everything, the false notion of making lots of money once I found a job flitting through my head. When reality hit and I had to take a job at a gas station, I found myself way over my head in debt. Years later, I worked two jobs for almost half a year, working up to 66 hours per work, maybe more, getting the debt taken care of. I had to settle which isn't the worst for your credit but far from good.

So now we have these automakers who pump out gas-guzzling SUVs and huge trucks for all these retarded rednecks who refuse to buy foreign, reliable, high mpg cars. And by the way, most "foreign" cars are made in America now. Not to mention the American companies have produced sub-par vehicles for years. When I was car shopping last year, I studied Consumer Report's Most Reliable and Least Reliable Lists. The Most reliable list was covered with Toyotas, Hondas, Subarus, and Infinitis. There were maybe 3 or 4 American vehicles on it out of 30 some vehicles. Then you look at the Least Reliable list and it's chock full of American vehicles.

I know they have gotten better in recent years but it's too little, too late. They sunk themselves into the ground... and they want a bailout??? Out of my pocket, from my tax money! Screw you, I say! They can whine all the want about the lost jobs from their collapse but there better not be a bailout or there will be issues between the IRS and myself next year as I do not file my tax return. Why should I pay money, my hard-earned tax money to pay for these retarded companies with their CEOs with their private jets and $100 million salaries and yachts and mansions and Ferraris! It's already to a point where my tax money will go to fund murdering babies. Not only will we support murder but we'll support poor management and bad leadership as well. I never asked for a free handout when I got in over my head. No, I worked my way out of it!

Actually, maybe a better idea would be to write somebody high up in the political system and ask for my car and student loans to be paid off. If a company can dig itself into a hole and get free cash, why can't I? Maybe I should go out and buy a ton of stuff like a house and a nicer car and some nice clothes and a new computer and a huge TV and then say... "Well, can't pay all this off. I'll have to file bankruptcy! Oh... wait... I'll just call up the government and get some free cash."

I really do feel for the people who will lose their jobs. Maybe they should have gone and worked for Honda or Toyota instead of choosing a crappy American company. Or maybe they should have considered NOT making $30 an hour to sit around and watch TV for the union. That's why all the jobs go to China. When you pay a worker $100 an hour on a holiday while he gets OT while he sits around and watches a machine work or sleeps or watches his favorite show, you wonder why you are going under? Do away with these outrageous unions, pay people a reasonable rate to actually work, and then our jobs will come back from India and China and we won't have huge, billion dollar corporations going under.

Welcome to the free economy, Big 3! Suck it up.

EHarmony

Ya know, since I've been on eharmony, there is something to be said about girls with no backbone whatsoever. On this site, you communicate with people by asking questions and other simple stuff before you "graduate" to sending full messages. Anyways, if I find someone attractive, I then look at their profile and read through it or whatever and then I start communicating. These girls won't reply but they won't close the match either. It's extremely irritating. If you aren't interested, close the match and tell me why. I don't even care if they find me extremely ugly and repulsive, just don't waste my time. And I think I come across completely different on the internet than I do in real life, haha. If I'm not interested in someone, I close the match and give a reason why. Usually, I cop out with I Want To Purpose Other Relationship On Eharmony (which is true, it's not like I'm lying) but it's nicer than answering Other, which basically means they aren't attractive. I'm not about to tell some girls they aren't attractive cuz the next guy who comes along could think they are the most beautiful girl in the world whereas I was not attracted to them.

So, seriously, one of the most important lessons any girl can learn is saying no nicely and politely. You can do it without shattering a guy's self-esteem. It's actually much nicer than someone who leaves you hanging. Or something really aggravating is handing out wrong phone numbers. Thank God I don't ask for them, lol.

I'm only eharmony cuz a buddy kept bothering me to get on there. I figured I would give it a year and in a year, I'll just cancel my plan if nothing turns out. Meh, it's worth a try.

Black Friday

Wal-mart Worker's Family Sueing

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081203/ap_on_re_us/wal_mart_death

I really shouldn't have to comment on this article but... wow. The money and consumer driven culture that we live in is getting way out of hand. This kind of stuff just makes me sick. All 2,000 of those people should feel disgusted!

Family of NY man trampled by shoppers sue Wal-Mart
By FRANK ELTMAN, Associated Press Writer Frank Eltman, Associated Press Writer – Wed Dec 3, 5:44 pm ET


GARDEN CITY, N.Y. – The family of a worker trampled to death in a "Black Friday" crush of bargain hunters at a Long Island Wal-Mart store filed a wrongful-death lawsuit on Wednesday, claiming store ads offering deep discounts "created an atmosphere of competition and anxiety" that led to "crowd craze."

The lawsuit claims that besides failing to provide adequate security for a pre-dawn crowd estimated at 2,000, Wal-Mart "engaged in specific marketing and advertising techniques to specifically attract a large crowd and create an environment of frenzy and mayhem and was otherwise careless, reckless and negligent."

Wal-Mart issued a statement saying it would cooperate with local law enforcement officials to develop stronger safety measures for the future.

"We consider Mr. Damour part of the Wal-Mart family, and are saddened by his death," the statement said. "We have been in communication with members of his family to do what we can to help them through this difficult time. Our associates know that when incidents like this occur, we take care of our own."

In addition to the retailer, the adjacent Green Acres Mall, a realty company that manages the property and a security company hired to patrol the property were all named as defendants. A spokeswoman for the realty company declined to comment on pending litigation; none of the other defendants immediately responded to phone and e-mail inquiries seeking comment on the lawsuit.

Jdimytai Damour, 34, had been hired by an employment agency as a temporary worker at the Wal-Mart store in Valley Stream and had been on the job about a week when he died, said his family's lawyer, Jordan Hecht.

The 6-foot-5, 270-pound man died of asphyxiation after being crushed early Friday morning by the crowd, which broke down the electronic doors in frantic pursuit of bargains. At least four other people were treated at hospitals, including a woman who was eight months pregnant.

Authorities suspect that because he was as big as an NFL lineman, Damour was placed at the entrance of the store to assist with crowd control.

"Those hundreds of people who did make their way into the store, literally had to step over or around him or unfortunately on him to get into the Wal-Mart store," Nassau County Police Commissioner Lawrence Mulvey said this week.

Police are reviewing store video to identify possible suspects in Damour's death, but Mulvey conceded that criminal charges are unlikely.

Mulvey said it was apparent to him that the Wal-Mart store about 20 miles east of Manhattan lacked adequate security to handle the crowds. He said police representatives met with retailers throughout the county two weeks before Thanksgiving and made it clear that security and crowd control for the sales were the merchants' responsibilities.

Hecht said Damour's family also plans to file lawsuits against Nassau County and its police department.

County Attorney Lorna Goodman said, "The county has no liability in situations of this kind."
The lawsuit against Wal-Mart and the other companies was filed Wednesday in state Supreme Court in the Bronx, the home of one of the victim's sisters, Elsie Damour Phillipe, the court-appointed administrator of his estate. It does not seek specific damages.

Shoppers around the country line up early outside stores on the day after Thanksgiving in the annual bargain-hunting ritual known as Black Friday. It got that name because it historically has been the day stores broke into profitability for the full year.

The National Retail Federation believes Damour is the first store worker to die on the job in the post-Thanksgiving rush.

Jim Gaffigan

The Fake Smile and Wave

So, I was driving to my parents yesterday for Thanksgiving. I'm doing a good 65 in a 55. This mini van comes up behind me and starts tailgating me, not just close, but super close, like a couple feet away. Being the "nice" person that I am, I had to resist a urge to slam the brakes really hard. We go through the "metropolis" of Malden. A whole, what, 12 buildings? The speed limit drops down to 35 so I slow way down. Speed limit picks up but I only go up to about 60. And by the time we came to county line road by the expo center, I was down to 45. She passed me by the stoplight as I turned left towards Wal-mart, a glare covering her shaking head. I perked my neck up, smiled really big, and did the silliest wave I could think of. Of course, she sped up only to be kept driving slow by the long line of cars that had been in front of me. I got a kick out, I was cracking up for so long. If people check the driver's manual, it states that the appropriate action when someone is tailgating you is to... that's correct, slow down.

Oh, and the other day I almost sideswiped a car that wouldn't yield. It's really amazing how many selfish, me-first people are out there.

Just smile and wave...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Good food! WOO HOO!

Drained

I think my job is affecting my life much more than I thought. I have 2 days off after today, then I work Friday, then 2 more days off. Oh, and I had a 1/2 day yesterday! And I'm in the best mood today. Better than I've been in awhile.

And I feel like crap. My immune system has taken a dive. Between stress and lack of sleep and my stomach... I might need some shots in my butt again... I forget what they're called. Gamma gobulin shots or something, haha.

Anyways... I feel like poop but I'm in a great mood!

Red Sky

Be Quiet and Drive

3rd Attempt

I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today... I forgot my head phones since I had to drive the work van home so I had no IPod while I exercised this morning. And I discovered that I'm at 208 now instead of the 204.5 that I was when I started working out couple months back...

I'm too hard on myself and my faults and I look at how far I have to go instead of how far I've come. I always want so much more but never obtain it. I'm always wrong.

I still ache to know what's around the corner. The fear of being myself will leave me alone in the end... maybe it already has. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be the gap between 10 and 28 that carried me away from God.

Romans 6:21
Phillipians 3:7-8
Proverbs 15:1

Gas Prices

I heard the other day on the radio that gas prices had not been this low since March of 2005. That was roughly 2 months after Dubya started his 2nd term. And now, barely 2 months before he exits office as our President, the gas prices plummet again. I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist but it does seem rather convenient. Maybe he had to "behave" for his first term but once he entered the 2nd term, he could do whatever he wanted, like hook his oil tycoon buddies up with some hefty profits...

Anyways, could be some fancy coincidence but... you never know. I'm just thankful I'm now paying $20 instead of $50 to fill my tank up.

40mpg for the win!

Fo Sho

I haven't quite yet decided if the highlight of my week being a video game release should be depressing or fullfilling. Like maybe I should be doing more with my life. Not quite sure if a life spent this way is a fun life or a depressing one. Or maybe I just finally found something I'm good at. I'm probably just too focused on my life since 30 is 4 weeks from today. I think I've put more mental energy into thinking positively this summer and fall than I have the rest of my life.

But, hey, what do I know? My plans and desire and goals are all really unimportant. I think that's why I never plan anything anymore, haha. Ask me what I'm doing next week, I have no idea. I plan my month for work and even that is more spur of the moment than anything else. I used to ages and years that I wanted to accomplish things. But my plans don't work out so I figured I'm along for the ride. Not in a defeatist way but... I'm not wasting energy on desiring something that won't happen. If God wants it to happen, it'll happen and in his time. Most of my life is spent apart from reality anyways. That's what a great imagination is for! :D

I don't think my need for escape is because life sucks but more because life is so boring. I really need to read Wild at Heart again but there is a whole section on how men want all these things, like a battle to fight and blah blah blah. That's where the video games and movies come in. In real life, I'm Joe Nobody from NW IN with a couple friends and some family members who know who I am. Outside of my tiny circle, nobody knows me. Some could argue that I work an important job, I guess. But the truth is, if I died tomorrow, I would quickly fade into nothing but memory in a couple people's minds. I would not go down in history for anything. I've watched numerous people try to overcompensate for this fact by filling their lives with falsely-placed pride and maniacal, permanent egotrips of delusion. Just watch a toothless resident of a trailer park talk as if they are an esteemed political expert or watch a local framer talk as if he should be coaching an NFL team.

I have absolutely no point to this blog other than I wanted to take a break from writing a ton of endless reports at work. Just killing time until I can go home and become someone important, like the survivor of a zombie apocolypse or a powerful, Greek warrior with enough strength to take on Titans or a soldier in WWII fighting to save the world from Nazis... who wants to sit at a desk and write reports when you could be off saving the world?

It's not that I'm not content. My life really wouldn't cut it unless I was a superhero or something. My imagination is just that way. I'll probably always have that in me. It's not discontent but flights of the imagination. That's what I enjoy, I guess. Some people enjoy enjoy soccer or horses or nutrition or football. I enjoy my imagination. There are no boundaries, no rules, no cubicles, no computer screens. I heard once that God is just another character to a writer. Maybe it's just a simple desire for adventure. Remember Luke Skywalker's desire to get off Tattooine, that sense of adventure, to go off and save the princess and destroy the evil empire. Only, in reality there are no princesses or evil empires or death stars or lightsabers. I guess I'm just a big kid at heart... and always will be. :D

Consuming Fire

I hung out with my roomate on Saturday night and checked out a new church in Crown Point. I think I had been to the church before with a play but it was awhile back. Anyways, so then we hang out with this other guy we know afterwards. This guy is totally and completely consumed with his desire for a relationship. He is trying to fill the hole in himself with girls and not God. He is... disturbing in his desire. I jokingly told my roomate after we left that we need to find me a wife so I turn into him.

But on a serious note, it made me examine myself and where I stood because I definitely do not want to become what he has. I've basically realized that most everything in my life is pretty good, which leads me to focus on the part that is missing. I know I'm not meant to be single because that life is not for me. That's just something that I know and if I'm wrong, well, God will bring me the desire to enjoy that life. I'm not worried about it anyways. Also, for starts, I can carry on a conversation with anybody about something other than females while this guy cannot. He literally cannot have a conversation that isn't in someway about women.

And it bothers me more that I don't know when, rather that it's not happening now. Because I LOVE having time to myself, I LOVE using my money in the way that I want, and I LOVE not fighting with people. There are many aspects of life that I enjoy alone and for the most part, I enjoy being single. But I'm not single and 21 anymore with my whole life ahead of me. I'm still young but 30 is farther along than 21...

In the end, I realized I'm much better of than I thought I was and my focus is not all twisted. My health is good, my job is ok for now, I have a roof over my head and food on the tables and DVDs to watch and video games to play and books to read... There isn't very much at all about my life that I would change, other than an awesome girl to kill time with and a warm body to snuggle up beside and watch a movie. That's why it's a focus but it's not my driving force. God is my driving force and if it's not the time, that's fine by me. I'll continue to enjoy the time to myself.

Deep Forest

RULES:Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, MP3 Player, or whatever on Shuffle. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds! Put any comments in brackets after the song name. Repost this as a note and be sure to tag me so I can read your results too!

(I put my 5 star songs on shuffle soooo...)

1.If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say?
"Sex and Candy" -Marcy Playground

2. What do you like in a guy/girl?
"Another Boredom Movement" - Project 86

3. How do you feel today?
"Ninja Sphere" -Sphere of Hip Hop

4. What is your life's purpose?
"Xerces" - Deftones (haha)

5. What is your motto?
"Monkey" - Bush

6. What do your friends think of you?
"Fade Away" - 12 Stones (makes sense)

7. What do you think of your parents?
"Blackbird" - Gregorian Chants (whose music is this... not mine)

8. What do you think about very often?
"Revive Me" - Jeremy Camp (yeah, very true)

9. What is 2 + 2?
"Hanukkah Song" - Adam Sandler

10. What do you think of your best friend?
"China Roses" - Enya (how did this get on my IPod???)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
"Pin-Up" - Evans Blue (HAHA!... what???)

12. What is your life story?
"Miles Apart" - Yellowcard

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
"I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light" - Brand New

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
"Nothing Else Matters (live)" - Staind (lol)

15. What will you dance to at your wedding?
"The Kids Aren't Alright" - The Offspring

16. What will they play at your funeral?
"Mascara" - Deftones

17. What is your hobby/interest?
"Pieces" - Hoobastank

18. What is your biggest fear?
"Faithless" - Injected (weird)

19. What is your biggest secret?
"Rock and Roll Girl" - MxPx

20. What do you think of your friends?
"Steam Will Rise" - Silverchair

21. How do other people see your life going?
"Everything Zen" - Bush (HAHA!!!!)

22. What will you post this as?
"Deep Forest" - Enya (how does this get on my IPod!? Honestly...)

The Pain of Addiction

I have been very tempted to buy Wrath of the Lich King and reopen my World of Warcraft account... but I'm resisting. It's hard. I've done my stints in rehab and I thought I had conquered this... but the desire to play that video game is too strong. It's hard to resist... I've bought several games recently (Fable 2, Far Cry 2 - biggest disappointment of the year, and Call of Duty: World at War) so I shouldn't buy another one. I am still impatiently waiting for Starcraft 2, F.E.A.R. 2 - Project Origin, and Diablo 3. Not to mention that I still get endless hours of fun from Battlefield 2 and Titan's Quest. I just don't want to spend so much time on one game and if WoW didn't eat up so much time to level and get semi-decent gear, I'd go get it. But I really need to devote more time to other things, like friends and writing. I CANNOT wait for Diablo 3. That game will just be incredible.

Anyways... on a semi-humorous note, there are actual studies out there on video game addiction and what not. I really just had nothing else to blog about and I'm suffering from some serious procrastination at work... cuz I have a LOT of reports to write but it's Friday. Who wants to write reports on a Friday? Or Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday either...

Quantum of Solace comes out today and I think I'm going to go see it with one of my kids. He just turned 16 so I told him I would take him to a movie for his birthday. The name's Bond. James Bond. I named the dog Indiana!

Thoughts for Today

Isn't it convenient that gas prices have dropped now, at this particular time... I saw it for $1.95 in Rensselaer today. And Bush is suddenly leaving office in a couple of weeks. I'm not a conspiracy therorist buuuuut... come on! I don't care how bad the economy is getting, demand for oil is still extremely high. I still see the same cars in the parking lot every day. But the news is saying how prices have dropped due to fears of low demand and a bunch of crap like that. Whatever...


I believe that the U.S. needs to start worrying more about itself. We have plenty of problems, crime, violence, bad education, etc., etc. Let all the muslims blow themselves up in Iraq and maybe use those soldiers to help police our streets. Maybe cut some military spending and use that money to give teachers across the country some raises, some higher pay. Spread it out to social workers and adoption subsidies. I'm all for the U.S. helping out where we can but we need to take care of our own before we start worrying about other countries, especially countries full of religious zealots intent on blowing themselves in a busy marketplace full of innocent woman and children. It's been done so many times before, it doesn't even make a statement anymore. I say give up your backwards, idiotic beliefs. Sorry, I can't "tolerate" and "accept" a false religion based on suicide bombings and not allowing women to even show the skin on their hands.

Did you know that Muhammed wrote the first part of the Quran, full of love and peace, and presented it to religious leaders in his day because he wanted his religion to be accepted. They show him down so he went back and wrote the second part, full of violence and killing infidels, and then jumbled them together to form what is now the Quran. Muhammed was nothing but a reject who wanted revenge on the "cool" people who wouldn't acknowledge his made up religion.

My point being? Forget these religious nutjobs. Seriously, let them all blow themselves up. Once they are all dead, we can have some peace in the middle east. And we can make Iraq are 51st state and then not worry so much about oil either. Or we could fast track and just drop some nukes over there and do the job for them. Why are we wasting our time and money and manpower on a culture so intent on destroying itself? It makes me sick when each day you read about some 14 year old getting shot in a drive-by in Chicago while thousands of soldiers are policing some other country's streets. It makes me sick when we spend trillions on military spending and I know what teachers and social workers make for a living, if you can call it a living. It makes me sick when a large corporation can start whining and throwing a tantrum and the government considers handing them some money but I have to pay my credit card debt off by myself (which I did by working 2 jobs some 50 to 60+ hrs per week).

And we actually had some retard of a politician running for governor who would have outlawed ALL restraints in Indiana for residential care? I guess she has never had a ten year old try to burn her house down, a 12 year old punch her in the face, or a 17 year old boy come at her with a knife... Thank God she didn't win... but we still have Mitch. So, this all brings me back to my point... some people just need to be shot in the head so we can "filter" the gene pool a little bit.

A Case of the Mondays

I hate Mondays... I wish I could work with kids without the reports, drama, contact notes, drama, retarded county workers, drama, abusive birth parents, drama, clinical supervision, drama, and all the drama... Seriously, I think we have more issues with foster parents than we do with the kids. At least, the ones on my caseload.

Maybe I'll just start a Daddy Day Care, haha... if I could work with kids without all the drama, it would be fantastic...

With Great Power...

It's really hard accepting responsibility for my own life, for the direction it took, for the way things have gone. I'm starting to believe that we have more control over our lives than we think we do. Now, I'm not wrestling with the idea of taking control away from God but when I look back on my life, I can easily see where different choices or different circumstances could have led to different future events. Sometimes we use the excuse of God being in charge as a cop-out or as an excuse to be mad at someone.

I've always measured success by money and what you have. I picked a worthless degree and worked a bunch of high school level jobs, changing jobs frequently, which led me to where I am today. Renting, barely able to pay on my school loans, driving a cheap car (that my dad had to sign for... nothing says success like relying on your parents to get you a loan when you're 28). My idea of dropping some big bucks is buying a new video game. So was it really my own choices in work experience and education that led me here? I'm I "unlucky"? Or just have that personality that doesn't put up with all the crap bosses throw at you... probably a little of each. I have enough money for now, I don't really desire lots of "earthly" possessions, but I can't stay here forever. What if I have a family someday?

Which brings me to my next point... apparently, I'm undateable. Unless the most optimistic, calm, understanding, magical woman in the world comes along, you will find me sitting in front of my PC playing video games for many years to come. All the girls I've had serious relationships with are married, minus the most recent. And several guys I've known with the most obnoxious, independent, commitment-phobic personalities are married or engaged. I've come to the conclusion that my personality really sucks! Seriously... I'm just a real jerk! I guess I'm mean, cruel, heartless, vicious... I can see the looks in people eyes, I can read the thoughts and intentions behind the smiles. It hurts but it's true. I still can't quite figure out what about my personality, what exact flaws, differ me from other people. Every single fear that I've had, when it comes to relationships, has happened. Even my brother got married, haha. Now, I know it's not a race but seriously. I've had plenty of chances, dated some awesome girls, and I've screwed up every single one. I can't blame God for anything. It's my choices and the way I am that put me here. I'm going to give it a couple more years and then I'm going to try and adopt (hopefully, the IN subsidy laws have changed by then, haha). Well, I guess I make a horrible boyfriend so I'll suck in the husband department but I KNOW I'll make an awesome dad. I doubt it'll work but I can try and adopt. I love kids anyways. I'll take a son or daughter without the wife part, haha.

Why do I focus on this so much? I guess it's the area that is lacking in my life. I'm in okay health, my job is okay, my life is okay... I'm just not having the greatest day. Maybe I shouldn't blog on days like today, lol. Maybe my goals and dreams just suck too... I'm willing to accept God's plan but at 30, I still have no idea what that is. It's not to work a great job with great money, it's not to get married, sooooo... I've never had a desire to do missions work, I don't really have a desire to go somewhere else (though San Diego is nice), and even then, I wouldn't be able to find a job somewhere else... I feel like an island, lots of friends but none really close. I'm going to wake up one day and my life will have passed me by.

But in the end, all I can do is work on myself. Every week is the same routine. I need to just throw my goals and dreams to the wind and not even plan for next week. None of my goals have ever come to pass anyways... I honestly think the idea of setting goals is completely pointless, especially if God has other plans...

Oh, and what the HECK is with gaining weight while I'm working out. Now, I don't have the healthiest diet but I've been slowly putting more fruit and vegetables into it, eating less, and I'm freaking gaining weight... fantastic... I'm almost to the point where I've built up enough willpower to just not eat... if that's what it takes...

I am mired down in TPS reports and I need a break. After Bible Study on Tuesday nights and D&D on Wednesday nights, I can go home and play some video games. I start to show some serious signs of withdrawal. I get the shakes and muscles start twitching, especially the ones around my eyes. I sweat a lot and eventually get naseuated. Other symptons include drooling, diahrea, seizures, heart failure, brain tumors, and death. Plus, some of the best times in my week include us =TPE= members destroying some clan on their server only to piss them off so they find some really, really lame reason to kick and/or ban us. I got threatened on Monday. I kept saying these clan guys were 5 years old because the one was in my squad and he honestly sounded like he was five. His voice was all high-pitched and whatever. He had obviously not hit puberty yet. So these guy gets in my squad and in these deep voice as if he was forcing it and attempting to sound old and tough and cool asks me if he sounds 5 and then says he can probably beat me up. The sad part is is that we, being =TPE=, rarely, if ever, start it. It's always these little middle schoolers getting owned. That's what happens when you give a 10 year old control of a server. They can't handle that responsibility.

In other news, I learned how to edit some of these html so I can strikethrough. I couldn't figure it out so I just changed the strong (the word for bold) word to strike. Lucky guess, huh. Sorry, Kiwi, but I stole that from your blog. :S

I'm still doing good with the whole exercise thing. Unfortunately, it feels as if the universe is working against me. First of all, I go early in the morning, around 6ish, before work. There is nothing but old, dying people who are there. 75 year old women who thinking walking at .33 miles per hour is going to keep them alive longer or 98 year old men who thinking curling 2 lbs will make them buff and able to attract 21 year old women. There is no hot ladies scenery at all, if you know what I mean. But I guess it means that I'm going for the right, healthy reasons, haha. And this week, I've had no energy and I think it was the time change! My sleep schedule is about as delicate as fine china. And the time change was the bull let loose, I guess. Anyways, it's been a rough week. Not to mention that I never get enough sleep since my body likes to wake up long before my alarm goes off for no apparent reason other than my internal clock is off by about an hour.

At the KV Health Center, there is a sign-up sheet which some woman so rudely nicely pointed out one morning while I was exercising. The thing was she walked into the room and walked out and then came back in to tell me. I think she forgot herself but anyways... I had forgotten about the sign-up sheet and never signed up for the machine. She looked in pretty good shape and I wanted to drag her over to the mirror and point out how much more I needed to be on that machine than her. Instead, I got off and left. I have only seen her once when I went on a Friday at 2 when I got off early. She saw me and hurriedly dropped her use of a machine and ran to the front to sign-up. She had forgotten, lol!

And last but not least, my boxers and briefs suddenly think they are g-strings when I exercise. Nothing says classy like trying to dig you boxers out of your sweaty butt-crack while still traveling at 6 miles an hour on the elliptical. If I think positively, it just means I'm grateful there's no young, hot women giving me nasty looks. Not to mention that by the time I'm done, I am drenched in seat and smell slightly worse than a landfill. Ok, back to checking facebook work.

Another Day...

So, Obama wins... I'm actually kind of glad to see an African-American president but unfortunately it has to be someone with stupid ideas... who is barely old enough to be my father and probably does not have enough experience to run this country... but anyways... I didn't vote so I'm not really complaining... I just hate being limited to two not-so-great choices... unless you can really count an Independent as a 3rd viable choice...

I joined eharmony... mostly because my buddy Matt continued to bug me about getting online and I'm sort of doing it to debunk him. It's worth the money to me and it's not like I have anything to lose anyways. I went out to lunch with Kate yesterday and after our amusing discussion about the girls in the area and her only appealing idea being a girl in a complicated situation and whose best friend I thought I was going to marry (thus, completely ruling her out due to moral and ethical reasons... come on, I'm not a complete jerk...), I realized that around here, there isn't much going on. Seriously... NW IN sucks. Anyways... the internet thing didn't work out before and I'm pretty sure it won't now but... whatever. Matt insists he knows people who've gotten married off of there or something. I'm sort of a skeptic of it all. And I'll probably just end up proving him wrong.

I think I might start going to another local, singles, Bible study group in the area... Lifeline is not the same without Tim and Andrea and the boys. My group is nice but one of my pet peeves is someone talking down to me or talking about how they've experienced so much more of life than myself. I mean, come on! I'm 30 and not retarded. There've been hard times and there will be hard times. I understand getting married and being a parent changes things but just because someone is single doesn't mean they can't understand something. Those aren't all my issues with them but when someone talks to you as if they've seen so much more of life, I don't care if they are 90, it gets on my nerves. "You'll understand that when you get married." or "You'll get it when you have kids." Hmmm... so Jesus never understood that? Cuz the last time I checked, he didn't marry and have kids (forget the lame DeVinci Code)... People seem to completely devalue the ability of one's imagination, intelligence, and empathy as if the idea that someone can put themselves in the shoes of someone else is completely irrational.

BOO!

Ok, I devised this diabolical plan to wait for Kate in the office and scare her. I thought it through for quite some time and it all came together this morning. I came into work a couple minutes early, parked my car all the way around the block, went into work and locked the door behind me and kept the lights off. And I had my Jason mask with me...

...so Kate shows up and turns the light on in the main office and then goes into her office which is in the front. Well, I'm waiting in our boss's office in the back so I run out into her office and just yell really loud. She screams, a look of complete horror on her face, jumps back, and throws her hands up. She actually started to scar me cuz of the utter terror on her face.

Ahhh, it was classic. One of the best moments of the year. I almost got some keys thrown in my face. It was just... awesome. Love ya, Kate!

Happy Halloween

Yeah, someone cracked me and my roomate's front windshields for halloween. Filed a police report and I have to call insurance tomorrow. My deductable is only $100 but still...

I hope those wonderful people selfish little douchebag pricks get saved take a long walk off a short pier.

My Hectic Life (riiiiiiiight)

As you can see, I'm very busy with lots of important things because I only post... daily. I just finished up about 20 some reports for the day and I have an hour left in the office.
Well, I have 15 kids but none of them are my own. Their "my" kids cuz they are on my caseload. I enjoy the older ones because of the conversations I can have with them and how it is much easier to relate to children who are close to adulthood. But the younger ones... some of them you want to squeeze and not let go because cute does not do them justice.

I would love to share details of how hilarious these kids are but confidentiality gets in the way of that. So I have all these awesome stories that I can only share with my coworkers.

I was going to go to a Halloween party tonight but when I mentioned it to my coworker who would also be attending with her boyfriend, she looked about as happy as she found out her whole family had died in a plane crash or something. I have no idea why but she probably gets sick of putting up with me 40 hours per week. Anyways, it would be me, the 30 year old, with a bunch of people in their early to mid 20s sooooo... count me out anyways. I'll sit at home and play some Fable 2 or Battlefield 2. After talking with Kristin, I might have to whip out my SNES since I haven't played that in awhile.

Being the only single person as well as the only male in the office, I don't give the females a break. I.E. Erinn has this erasable calendar that she carefully crosses off the days on and I always try and beat her to it and mark the days off in some original way. My last two I completely colored in the day on the calendar and the other one I crossed out with a Roman numeral X. Erinn also has this plant that comes straight from a South American jungle. Until I carefully manuevered it, it's leaves were branching over my desk and almost blocking my computer monitor. One day, I plan on moving it so that it replaces her computer chair in front of her desk.

Then there is Katie. Katie is the one who knows what she is doing so I usually have to be pretty nice to her. She used to split these supervised visits with me and the birth parents would always cancel on days she was going to do them. Well, now the roles have switched. She did a visit for me this month and it was utter chaos. But when I've done, they've been easy and the kids have been pretty good. My reasoning is that the kids just love me... :P

And then we have Marylin. She is 62 and just began using a computer about a year and a half ago. She'll lose hours of work cuz she didn't save or she'll get mad at her computer and growl and pound her desk. And the age jokes from me never stop. But she's a good sport and she throws them right out. She also tends to fart at different times. One day she had to bend over to look at some wires behind her computer and she squeezed one out. So Erinn tells the IT on the phone while I'm rolling around laughing. She also got married over the summer and her last name changed to Boy. So she tells everyone she is a boy now. She actually got some people before the wedding by saying that she was soon going to be a boy.

Oh, I gotta tell this story. One day we are all out at lunch. I think we were at Mia Ranchita in Lowell and we were talking about something, like foster parents getting their water tested or something. So Marylin means to say organisms in the water but organism becomes orgasm. We were all dying laughing. Yeah... those jokes went around for a while. And considering she was recently married didn't help either. We knew what was on her mind.

That's our fantastic office. Anyways... that's work... 4:30pm is drawing closer and it's Friday! WOOT! Okay... peace out...

Parsecs and Goblins

Ok, I gotta tell this story from last night. Wednesday nights are D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) nights. It's a horribly Satanic game, and by Satanic I, of course, mean it is harmless. The sad part is I always feel I have to defend myself cuz of the ultraconservative view on something people know nothing about. I don't defend myself when I mention playing video games or watching movies. But yeah... cuz of some nutjob Christians out there, people have this stigma. And I'm sidetracked, anyways... D&D is like a video game without a screen. Much more use of the imagination, I guess. But yeah, fun times.

So, Will is DMing (Dungeon Master, makes the story, runs the campaign) the game while Matt, Roberto, and I all play two characters. A good 1/3 of the gaming session consists of us burning each other and trying to top the others' your mom burns. Yes, very mature. Most of mine consist of something similar to the "your mom goes to college" retarded burn from Napoleon Dynamite. Matt is running a tiefling warlock and genasi swordmage, Roberto runs an elven cleric and eladrin wizard and I run a human rogue and human ranger.

Well, Matt, in his brilliant genius, made a comment about how he has to wait a parsec while I figure out what my characters are doing. Now, being the nerd that I am, I have to correct him and point out that a parsec is actually a measure of distance, like a light year, and not a measure of time. So I get ridiculed pretty bad for being such a fan of Star Wars and Star Trek. (I must point out here that Han Solo made the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs)...

Anyways... later on, Roberto in his mexican genius, makes a comment about how goblins must of wrote this scroll we found. There have been absolutely no goblins near us, we have not fought any goblins, so his comment made no sense so Matt and I are laughing so hard cuz he can't explain himself. I'm starting to cry, I'm laughing so hard at this point. So, I start saying sentences while replacing one word with parsec such as "I'm laughing so hard, I almost parseced in my pants"... and then we continued on for awhile. It was the end to a hilarious night and Will even pulled out a your mom burn.

The moral of the story is... I'm a huge nerd and probably shouldn't know what a parsec is. But I do... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parsec

Also see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_falcon

and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_and_dragons

I guess you had to be there... :P

The Clincher

Well, I'm at work and I can't concentrate at all. I have a ton of reports to do but I always get them done fairly quickly. It helps when you can type super fast. After having a great evening last night and actually getting out of my house for something other than work (and not to mention several engaging conversations, two with cute girls), I've realized what the clincher is...

...I basically need to just stop whining about my life, accept it the way it is, and do my best to live each for God, not for my own personal desires. It's not like life is bad though I do tend to focus on the negative, the dark side of things, the wrong. Life could be worse. I could be married to the wrong person instead of not at all, I could be making lots of money... and have cancer... it can usually get worse rather than better.

So... I just need to appreciate life for what it is. I won't be here forever. It's all just temporary anyways...

Meh

It is an extremely down time for me in life right now. Most people insist 30 is the new 21, 20, 18, 16 whatever but for me, it is definitely the milestone that marks the passage into adulthood, perhaps even the latter half of my life. For some reason I've always pushed for the next thing, the next job, the next relationship, the next step, the next video game, the next movie, the next day... since I've been focusing on my life and realizing that my anger for years was aimed at God when it was mostly my fault the way my life had turned out.

It's not that I'm still single, it's that I've had plenty of chances and for the most part, I screwed them all up. I've taken a look at it and as I stare back down the path, I see a list of girls who have gone on to meet the man of their dreams, marry, and have kids... one might argue that I just never met the right girl but I don't believe in that soulmate, hollywood mumbo-jumbo. What about the man who marries, his wife dies, and he marries again? Are they "both" his soulmates? Anyways, I'm digressing. My point being, based on pure numbers, the problem lay with me. And what would happen if I was given another chance? Not just a casual, dating relationship but a serious one with deep emotions involved? Maybe the next time I'll acknowledge the warnings and not shrug off the warning signs. So do I get another chance... or is it just too late anyways...

Then out of the questions to God about why I am not working a job I love, I again find the fault lies with me. The lack of a solid job history. I wrongly took the aspect of my personality that does not enjoy flawed authority, I've been through many jobs. That has changed now and I've been at two jobs for over a year now and will continue to do my best at either one. But carrying a college degree and still being at the bottom of the ladder after so long does not offer up much job satisfaction. After seeing my friends, my bro, all thriving in the business world and making outrageous amounts of money, nothing lowers your self-esteem by spending "big" and cashing out 50 dollars for a video game... while they buy houses and BMWs and Audis...

So I shut myself in my home, only coming out for work and church. My social life consists of playing video games and interacting with programmed AI with scripted dialogs. I occasionally get on ventrilo and chat with my clan mates. I still do D&D on Wednesday, maybe Lifeline on Tuesdays... but I keep distancing myself. I don't even want to talk to my parents. I'm really not trying to be overdramatic and I'm not wallowing in depression. I'm just addicted to escape.

And last, for most of us, we must accept the fact that we are nobodies. Except for the occasional individual who rises above the rest due to intelligence, athleticism, research, or what have you, we won't even be a blip on the timeline when we pass away. We are unimportant... except for God...

...and in the end, it's all meaningless...

The Wedding

I guess I thought my brother getting married would depress me or something but it really isn't. Maybe it's overshadowed by the fact that I don't have to work for a whole week... wow. The last time I had a long break, I had a high fever and felt like crap.

But anyways, life is going pretty good. Work still sucks and is uberstressful but that's about it. I still don't do much. I sit at home on the weekends or go visit with my parents when I'm not working. Life is back to normal for me, pretty much. I figure if the whole relationship thing isn't working out for me, I'm going ot start looking for a truly enjoyable job that I love doing. And perhaps will pay me more and offer me some management experience. As if managing 19 children's cases isn't enough, sheesh.

Mercenaries 2, Diablo III, Starcraft II, Wrath of the Lich King, Lego Batman, Project Origin, and Fable 2 all come out over the next several month so I have a lot to look forward too, lol. I really need to put more time and energy into writing. I may never do anything with it but I won't know until I try. Well, I'm counting on failure but that's my pessimistic nature. But at least I can try.

But anyways, I'm about to leave work and head to the airport to catch my flight to CA. I can't wait for the wedding! It'll be fun. And I don't really know my soon to be sister-in-law so that will be cool to get to know her more. But my mom loves her and my mom is very picky which girls she approves for her boys, haha.

High fives! Vary nize!

Revelations

I've come to some very important revelations in my life lately and I'm putting them in this blog so that I don't forget and don't lose focus on them.

#1 God's plan is what's important. After all that I've been through, I still somehow get this false idea that I know what's best for my life. Well, maybe not that so much as in my desire to want things now, not later, which, in a sense, is saying that I don't trust God and his perfect timing. My plan's would just lead to catastrophe. If I don't make a certain amount of money or own a home or have fully figured out what I want to do with my life, work-wise that is, so what. I'm single and still, fairly, young so I can enjoy life as it stands now. In just 5 weeks, I will have my "mystery" credit card paid off and then I'm going to save up for a motorcycle. By next spring, I will be cruising around in joy.

#2 Life is full of unexpected twists. Sort of like when you found out Bruce Willis was a ghost. Life has those twists. As I look like, what seemed like a major life catastrophe a couple months ago really wasn't that important. Better to break up than end up with the wrong person. Without seeming to bash her in any way, I'm really glad that it ended. Our personalities did not match and I would rather be single the rest of my life than marry someone who would drive me crazy and I'm sure she feels the same way.

#3 People with issues are not fun times. Being somebody who has been labeled as somebody with "issues" in the past, and maybe still am by some crowds of people (who don't know me, of course, because they are the best judges of who I am inside...), I have looked myself in the mirror and have begun to see somebody different. Facing who you are and accepting it is a very important step in life and growth, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Guess what? I get angry. So do lots of people. It's what makes me the person I am. But what makes me a man is how I handle that anger. Guess what? I'm a couple pounds over weight. But I've quit smoking 4 times. And I definitely eat a LOT more fruits and vegetables than I did a year ago. And now that I've got some medicine for my stomach, I can go back to the gym. I want to be one of those people without issues. Or at least the major ones. Find me somebody without issues and I'll give you a million bucks.

#4 Life can hit you hard. Why do we fall down? So we can pick ourselves back up again. That quote from Batman Begins is just awesome. Life will hit and it hits hard. It doesn't wear boxing gloves or hold its punches. This is a bar brawl and somebody will end up in the ER, if you know what I mean. But what do we do when life hits us. In the past 3 months, I've gone through a lot. A break-up with somebody that I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of my life. I mean, I've never really looked at rings before. Tim and Andrea are leaving and "my" boys are going with them. I've been watching their kids since Riley was tiny and before Ethan could walk. My nickname, R.J., comes from Ethan and is confusing J.R. with the raccoon from Over the Hedge, haha. Now, everybody is starting to call me R.J. They've been an awesome part of my life, their whole family. My brother is getting married and though I am extremely excited and happy for him, it is sad in some ways. Though I have come to embrace being single and really enjoy the benefits that comes with it, I still long for a family.

#5 Life can be fun no matter where you are at. We had an awesome cookout on Tuesday night for Tim and Andrea leaving. I got to know Elaina and her bro, Andy, some more. I got to see pregnant Jessie Burkman, whom I haven't seen in well over a year. Fun times. A buddy of mine is back playing WoW and I still have a blast owning nubs with my clan. Life is what you make it and you can either mope around (which rarely do these days) or you can go out and have some fun. I'm planning on buying a motorcycle this year unless I move out to CA. If I do that, which I'm considering, I will need moving money but once out there, I can buy a bike and ride it year round. No snow, the ocean, the desert, Arnold as my governor, could be lots of fun. We'll see what God has planned.

Life's a Drag

No, I'm not bringing back my lame comic. Sorry.

Life has been ubermundane and boring. Work, video games, work, Lifeline, work, D&D, work, video games, work, video games, video games, work other job, sometimes church, video games, work other job. So I do basically the same thing every week. This Saturday I actually had a wedding to go to and I was the odd man out. Kate and Charlie, Erinn and Adam, Dave and Sarah, and then me. I could have had a date but who really wants a fake date. If I'm single, I'm gonna be single. And I wore jeans to the wedding. Yes, I'm that lazy. You have to pay me to dress up on a Saturday.

Every week, I get more sick of everything. Not in a twisted, psychotic sense, of course, but just in a sense that it's all the same and we are striving after nothing. It's not a wonderful life. It's really boring and full of trials and struggles. I honestly believe that if we did not escape, we would not be able to handle it. At least, that's the way it is for me.

And I've realized that after all that has happened, though for the best, I now carry the burden of not being able to trust people. Mostly females but I've noticed myself drawing away from others in general, regardless of sex. I have friends online that I game with but those are not what I would consider deep, lasting friendships. I have zero motivation to solidify and build on relationships. All that means is that you open the door wider for them to hurt you.

The future is not bright. It is meaningless.

Apart from God, there is no point in living.

I'm a huge idiot for expecting something more. For hoping the pattern would change. For desiring more. For wishing for change. For actually believing I could be different. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I can only change so much. I should just settle for letting this husk fade away until it's time to move on.

One last try...

Meh

I have a huge headache. And this big stomach acid problem which doesn't seem to go away. Prilosec and Prevacid both failed to work. I looked up some information on stomach acid and there's a lot of aspects of my lifestyle that don't do much to help that. Caffeine, pop, and stress, all of which have been extremely plentiful in my life. I can take of the first two with little problem but the last one is not so easy. I need to get my resume together and find the easiest job in the world.

I'm thinking Gamestop but... who knows. I'm a couple months shy of 30 and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I've come such a long way on this journey and I still feel as if I'm at square one in most areas. What a disappointing life it has become. For a couple months there, I got a taste of what I wanted my life to be, of what it could become. But some pieces to the puzzle didn't fit but that's alright.

I'm not sure what else needs to change. I'm stuck in the same old rut again, the same depression, the same locked-in-my-room life. Not that I'm anti-social, I actually chat with a lot of people while I'm gaming but I have no desire to go out and do things, other than maybe see an occasional movie with my family. Ya know the married couples that just vanish once they get married and you see them maybe once a year... that's me... but I'm single.

Which brings me to my next point. This is the first time in my life that I can say I don't want a relationship and don't plan on having one for awhile. Though part of that depresses me, another part of me says good riddance. I just couldn't bring myself to trust someone else at this point. And in many aspects, it is a much better path. Lonely, but peaceful and much less frustrating. I only have myself and my own life to worry about, no one else's.

Also, I've come to accept the fact that I'm pretty much a huge failure at relationships. Some optimists might say I haven't met the right girl yet and she'll come along one day and I'm still really young and those relationships weren't meant to be. After seeing so many girls I hung out with or dated get married shortly after we parted ways... yeah, I would have to look at myself in the mirror and say that I'm to blame. My dad and I agree on the fact that there is no such thing as a "soulmate". My dad pointed out that he knew of a man who was married 3 times. His first two wives passed away. Was just one of those women (the first) his soulmate? So did he travel down a wrong path by marrying the other two? Or were all 3 his soulmates? And isn't that contradictary in a sense?

Anyways... I don't even know if the goals, dreams, and aspirations I had for so long are even worthwhile pursuing. I don't want to spend time and energy getting to know anybody else... just to have it blow up in your face or find out they aren't interested in you anymore. I feel too old for that. The dating seen is for younger people. I just don't have the energy to invest in it and I'm 100% positive whatever relationship I did pursue, would just end eventually. Well, as it stands now, I'm pretty dis... gusted that I can't think of the dis word that I'm looking for. Dishearted? Disinterested? Disenfranchised? Disavowed? Discouraged?

I'm just rambling now cuz I don't feel good and I'm super stressed out. So, I'll sum it all up...

#1 I want a job that does not stress me out, that if I don't look forward too, I at least don't dread. A job that pays my bills and covers life's unexpected surprises like car repairs and medical bills without forcing you to work two jobs.

#2 I want upward mobility. I don't want to go to school for 3 years to get a master's just to be gauranteed 2k more per year. No thanks.

#3 I have come to enjoy being single for the most part. It isn't the present that depresses me but what I expect the future to hold, as represtented by the past. Perhaps that is doubting God and the blessings he is willing to send my way now that I'm focused on him. But I'm a pessimist. I'm sure he's working on that. So, in a sense, I would like to move onto the next stage in life. But I don't think I have what it takes. And I have yet to meet a person, outside of my parents, who can put up with seeing me on a bad day.

#4 Or behind door #4, I could die in my sleep tonight and be in heaven and have all my stress, worries, sicknesses, and fears taken away. No, I absolutely do not have any sort of suicidal desires or tendencies but I'm at a point where I would not complain if today was my last day on Earth. I know where I'm going and all is worthless apart from God. But I've been here before...

High Fives!

Life has been crazy. Work is super stressful and now that I have two jobs, it's even more to deal with. But magically, I ended up with several hundred more dollars in my bank account than I was expecting. If I could not view my credits and debits online, I would honestly wonder if God was not dumping money into my bank account. Even with my first payment on my "mystery" credit card that came out of nowhere, I still have a LOT in the bank. It's crazy.

I have 19 kids now and I'm supposed to have 12-15 so that is not fun times. I love the kids but it's stressful. Plus, we are integrating a whole new database management system. And God is showing me a bunch of stuff I need to work on when it comes to dealing with authority. Who knew, right? :P To be willing to change and come to accept the trials in your life is one of the absolute hardest decisions you can ever make. When one thing ends, another begins. But it brings with it a peace that cannot be found anywhere else. Nothing feels as good as having a clean conscience. And that is very difficult to obtain, considering that we sin constantly.

It's amazing how we can look behind us and see how some curses were really blessings and how some blessings were really curses. It's insane! Life can flip-flop so quickly and show that everything you knew was completely false.

I'm going to purchase a motorcycle for my 30th birthday. I've been reading Wild at Heart and I figure that if I'm single at this age, don't have much of a career, I will definitely have some fun. I am going to accept life for what it is and focus on myself and changing who I am. I will not be the meek slave, cowering in the corner, afraid to face tomorrow. I will be the warrior, sword in hand, fighting the battle that few attempt to fight. And while all of this is raging around me, I'm sure gonna do my best to have fun while I'm here.

Soooo... I got my permit, started learning on Adam's dirtbike. I'm thinking either a Honda Nighthawk, Shadow, or Magna. The old Kawasaki KZ1000s are cool! Those low, old bikes look awesome! I'm definitely thinking Honda though. Honda car and a Honda bike.

And D&D 4th Edition came out! Not to mention Diablo III got announced! Yes, I'm a huge nerd...

High fives!

Word

Well, I got my motorcycle permit and I started learning how to ride a dirt bike today. My buddy Adam says that if I learn on a dirt bike then I can ride anything. I started my second job back up because I had an unknown credit card pop up. It's amazing how you forget stuff like that... especially when they don't send you something for well over a year. Oh well...

But then once that's taken care of at the end of August, I'm saving up for a bike. Sounds like a good 30th birthday present to myself. A Kawasaki KZ1000. Or maybe a Honda Magna.

Anyways, Adam said I learned in 10 minutes what it took another friend to learn in a month. I was cruising around his yard, getting the hang of the clutch, throttle, brake, walking start then a normal start. Fun times. I can't wait to go cruising around next spring.

And that's what's new with me.